Perspective.
This section of a form was staring me in the face, needing me to put a check mark and signature in the box, first thing this am. It was part of Emma’s annual review for CAP services. Though this was not actually my intended blog post for today, reality and perspective took over and won. A flood of emotions consumed my mind and heart. I stopped everything I was doing, took a moment and said over and over to myself “really?”
Reality.
The reality of this one simple box that needed to be checked stung me like a swarm of bees. My heart sank when I read it. It literally took my breath away. I just couldn’t imagine. Oh yeah, I DO have a child with Down syndrome. It is VERY trying at times. It has stirred up many unwanted feelings for those who don’t understand. This is the reality we live in. A reality where there are so many unwanted children in this world. So many misunderstandings and misconceptions about those with disabilities. Not for this mom though. I relish in it. I soak it up. I can’t get enough (sometimes). I want more. I want to learn more. I want to help others and I want to give Emma the life she deserves. I want to wrap myself in the blanket of Down syndrome and share its warmth.
Thankful.
Thankful is the word that comes to mind when I see this form. Interestingly enough, thankfulness for the circumstances in my life was exactly what I wanted to blog about today. I am so thankful for the programs and early interventions and the people that have been put into place to give us hope for our children with disabilities. I could not imagine living one.single.day. without my precious daughter in my life, in our house, sleeping in her own bed. Thank you Lord for allowing me the opportunity to let my little one know she is loved and wanted.
Joy.
I suddenly realized how alone and empty I would feel without her in my life. On the days I let the hardships of having a child with special needs get to me; I still end the day praising God for the blessing He has given me. I really do. I’m not sure I have ever experienced true joy until becoming Emma’s mother. Don’t judge and think I am disregarding being Drew’s mother, but everything is very different when you are the parent of a child with special needs, plus we all know with age comes wisdom. I wouldn’t say I had too much of that at 19 years old when I became a mom for the first time. I experienced many other wonderful emotions with Drew. Joy though. A joy like no other. This fruit of the spirit was given to me by her… so effortlessly. And I am so undeserving.
Gratefulness.
I am forever grateful for the opportunity to be Emma’s caretaker. I couldn’t imagine her being in a place filled with unknowns, all alone waiting for someone to love her. I embrace taking care of her as my job and one that I do with great pride. I am grateful to actively participate and be a part of every milestone she achieves. So very grateful. I am also grateful for the choice to check this box that yes, I do understand I have that right but I respectfully decline.
Let's just say- Emma will be getting an extra hug and kiss when I meet her radiant, smiling face at carpool today.
