Reflections and Truths

I was just telling Jon last night how so far, my 30's have been such a reflective time for me. I also told him I'd like to think most people have this time in their 40's or 50's so maybe I was ahead of the game. :)

As I embark on my 34th birthday tomorrow, I consider myself pretty grounded. I also consider myself a constant work in progress but I hope you enjoy a peek into my reflections.

Marriage. I am so thankful for a husband who truly does love me. Seriously. I feel so unworthy of his love most of the time. He has seen me at my absolute worst and still wants to me married to me. That is grace and unconditional love right there friends. Most know our story, but the highlights are met at 9, became boyfriend/girlfriend at 13, married at 18, Jon gives up baseball scholarships to be a husband and father, first child at barely 19, 4 hard years of college/working full time for Jon, second child at 24 who was born with Down syndrome (and we did not know ahead of time). Our life hasn't been the easiest, but reflection #1 is that I would not change a thing! I love you so much Jon. I love how much we laugh and how much fun we have together. It is good for the soul. God orchestrated our life together long ago. I am so thankful we listened to Him and obeyed His plan for our lives. Most importantly, I am thankful for YOU. I hope I always honor you in all that I do. You are such a treasure. Ladies, love your man and be glad that in this crazy world, he has chosen YOU to have a life with.

Motherhood. Being a mother. I'm going to be honest. It took me a while to embrace the gift of motherhood. I know now that this was largely due to my young age when I became a mother for the first time but still, it was definitely a learned skill for me. This does not mean I neglected Drew or was a bad mom, but I didn't always enjoy the moment like I do now. That is something I can never get back. I am so humbled that God chose me to be a mom to Drew and Emma. I am so undeserving, yet he saw me fit for the job. He knew way before I did! I consider my biggest accomplishment on this earth being a mom to those two. They are my everything. It is not easy watching them grow and realizing how short our time is with Drew in our home. My goal is to squeeze every ounce of life possible into these next 4 years that Drew is in high school. Reflection #2 is to savor and appreciate every moment while my kids are in my care...the good and the bad! My job is to teach them, nurture them and raise them up into the adults they are called to be, no matter how exhausting, emotional, trying or rewarding it may be.

Family. I am blessed to have two parents who are still married. That is rare these days. I'm sure they do have their days where they want to kill each other, that's part of marriage, right? :) I could not ask for a better mom and dad. These two people are some of the most devoted, hardest working people I have ever met. Yet, they still manage to make time for their family and are ALWAYS there for us when my brother and I need it. I am amazed at how they do it all. I am thankful they love their grandchildren as much as they do. They savor every moment possible with them. I love our family time together. Reflection #3 part one is how precious family time truly is. Sometimes I feel I can't get enough of it. Part two is not taking for granted what amazing parents I have. I am one blessed girl. I love you mom and dad.

Siblings. I have one brother. He is younger than me and therefore I had the right to torture him most of his life. I can not recall the countless times we have laughed over the years. Seriously, you could not bottle it up and put a price on it. It is priceless. I know we drove my parents nuts when we were younger (and I am getting some payback for that now with my two) but those memories are part of who we are today. My brother will be there for me anytime I need him and I know that. Reflection #4 is the precious gift of a sibling. I am bursting with excitement and joy as I have watched him become a father recently. Now "he gets it." And he will continue to "get it" year after year. These are the moments that matter. I love you my brother.

Faith. My faith. My how it has grown over the last three years. For a long while, it had been like a wilted flower that needed watering with the exact, perfect watering can. A couple of years ago, I found that needed watering can and I have been blessed with tons of fresh water and even some unexpected rain, which has allowed me to blossom into almost full beauty, year round. I embrace my spiritual awareness. I love my church and my church family. I love the Bible studies I have had the privilege of participating in and the vast growth it has provided me. I love the levels my faith has been taken to and I also appreciate my vulnerability for the natural unanswered questions and doubts that still remain in my realistic head. I still have so much to learn. Reflection #5 is how much I appreciate my freedom to be a Christian and my deep love for my church. God is doing BIG things there and even allowing me to fulfill some of my more recent dreams (a special needs ministry).

Friends. This word and I have had a rocky relationship over the years. Though I have spent many years feeling as if I didn't have many friends, my realization is that I do have friends. Some have been right under my nose the whole time and I just didn't realize it. It is not about the quantity but the quality. Cliche but true. Though I can probably count the number of true friends I have on one hand, I am so thankful for each of them and the value they have added to my life. Reflection #6 is how it is important to spend time cultivating the friendships we do have, verses always seeking more. It takes development, work, time and strength to be a true friend to someone. Friendships aren't always easy but they are precious gifts and we should not take them for granted. To my true friends, I love you.

 Money. Though money is the cause of a lot of fights in marriages, I can say it has not really been in ours. I say this from a perspective of scraping the bottom of the barrel years ago and surviving. It CAN be done with lots of prayer, will and supportive parents. :) Money is just money. Yes it is good to have and bad when  you don't but reflection #7 is remembering we can't take any of it with us when we are gone and that there is a season for everything! Life is about the ups and downs of having money, then not. No matter what, I believe we are always to be good stewards of our money. Jon and I have worked for every single thing we have and there is a sense of pride in that. Don't let money become your idol. When you have it, be thankful and share with those who don't.

Jobs. As a person who doesn't do well with change, I am thankful I have been blessed with long standing jobs thus far. I worked at Rex for 11 years, TGP for 9 years and I'm on my 4th year at my current job. What I have realized in my time of reflection is how every job I have had fit my families' need for that time in our lives. How neat is that! Reflection #8 is though we may not like getting up and going to work, we should always be thankful for the jobs we have which provide for our families. Not to contradict the above post about money, but it does cost to live. :)

Love. Love is not free. It does not come without a price dating all the way back to when Jesus died for our sins. He showed His love by hanging on a cross...for US. Sometimes love hurts. Sometimes it makes no sense at all. Sometimes it gives us a tingly feeling and a sense of wholeness. Sometimes it drives us to the edge of insanity. Sometimes it teaches us. Sometimes it humbles us and brings us to our knees. No matter what phase of love you are in with family, friends etc, always remember love is a constant teacher. It forces us to change our thinking, builds our character and helps us become better people. My sharpest example of this would be Emma. My journey of love for her, her life and her protection in this world has caused me pain, grief, anger, angst, strife, exhaustion, joy, honor, humility, growth, reflection, newness, appreciation and wholeness. A journey I graciously embrace. Love is beautiful. Reflection #9 is that love does not come without a cost. Are you willing to pay the price?

Strife. If life were always easy, we would have nothing to live or work towards. Though I have not had a life filled with tons of horrific things (thank the Lord), I have still had my share of twists and turns. One thing I have learned is that EVERYONE has their own struggles they are going through. No one is perfect and there is not a single person who doesn't have needs of some sort. We will all go through the good times and the bad but everything happens for a reason. It really does. Of course we don't always understand those reasons and they may never become apparent but nonetheless they happen. I don't know why children have to die. I don't know why cancer exists. I don't know why there are tornadoes, hurricanes, murderers, rapists etc. I have many unanswered questions like most of you. Reflection #10 is suffering can lead to sanctification. Here are some Bible verses that explain suffering and leaning on God in our time of need:

 Matthew 11:28-29
 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

 John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

 2 Corinthians 12:7-10
⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 

1 Peter  4:12-13
 ¹² Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. 

Thank you for being a part of my reflections. Until next time...xoxo